My parents brought me up in a strict environment. I didn’t mind this. I grew up to be an obedient daughter. I did everything to please them. I studied hard, got good grades, went to good schools.
But right now, I feel caged. I hoped they would loosen up once I become legal. My mom did but the opposite happened with my father. He wouldn’t even allow me to have fun. He expects me to survive college without friends, like he did. I tried so hard to explain that I don’t usually go out and when I do I ask permission.
I’m 20, for crying out loud! Please let me commit mistakes so I can learn. Let me live my life so I won’t regret or miss anything. I know that I owe everything from you, but I also need to breathe. I need to be independent.
I just hate the feeling of you expecting too much from me. It would only add up to all the struggles I’m trying to balance. I know I disappointed you with those grades. But I pulled it off the second time around and I don’t have anymore backlogs.
Why do you have to make me feel like I’m not doing my best in school? It hurts. It hurts like hell because you don’t even know what I went through. I can’t blame you for not being here all the time. I know you do that for us to live a comfortable life and because you love us.
Never have I talked back to you. I concede and keep quiet once you start ranting and scolding me even though your points don’t really make sense. Please stop comparing then and now. Times have changed. It won’t adjust to you and your beliefs.
I just can’t imagine college without my friends. They help me a lot because we go through the same stuff. They understand all the struggles I’m facing because we have the same ones. I’m sorry if I can’t be like you. I’m sorry if want to have fun and chill every once in a while. I probably would go crazy if all I think about is school. I want rest too, even for just a night.
I envy the freedom that my peers have. I envy the fun my friends have without me. I feel sad whenever I have to leave in the middle of the party because it’s time to go home. I often think of rebelling just to see your reaction. I just wish I had the guts to go against your wishes and live my life the way I want to. But I just can’t, because I’m a coward. And that’s the reason why all these thoughts and feelings will only remain in my blog. I just really wish I could tell you this:
Please give me space to breathe. Please set me free.