Unrequited

Crush. A word that’s too high school for me. But nonetheless a word that could refer to you.

For the past two years, I’ve been bouncing from one crush to another. Or even having a lot at the same time. This was nothing serious. It was an inside joke with my friends. But every now and then, they would try to make me talk to them. Which of course, I didn’t do because I’m too shy and not confident at all.

It started as a joke because you fit my type. The tall, lanky, eyeglasses-wearing guy. You reminded me so much of someone I knew long ago. That’s when I first really noticed you. I think I even told you back in first year about this. The year when we had the laboratory section. We weren’t close or anything but at least you talked to me. After that we’ve never been in the same class, I went through the ups-and-downs of my second year and so did you.

The second semester of our third year began. It was exciting and nerve-wrecking for me. And busy and hectic one for you. I joined our organization’s pageant which was really way out of my character and personality. It was a decision I didn’t regret, an experience I would forever treasure. And you were one of the officers of the organization, you helped in organizing all the events that occurred even after the pageant. During that night, there was a teeny tiny part of me that hoped you would notice me. But I guess, you didn’t. Still, amidst the pressures and stress of that night, I felt beautiful.

Flash forward, intramurals week. You were still busy as a bee. But you handled your responsibilities well. This was the first time that I admitted to someone that I admire you. I was pressured of course. The information was kinda forced out of me. But they were my friends so I trusted them.

This was the beginning of the endless torment- no, not really- just teasing. I was fine with it at first. Because it was just within our circle of friends. But it went out and teasing became more regular and obvious. I’ve been begging them to stop but they seem to enjoy my embarrassment.

Recently, one person suddenly asked me why I admire you. I was so taken aback because (1) the person and I weren’t that close, and (2) I didn’t think she’d believe all the teasing since I denied it all. I wasn’t able to answer her properly because of the shock and the fact that I haven’t really thought about it.

So here it is now. You are very smart, one of the major turn-ons for me. You aced and were top of almost all the exams we took. You are kind and approachable and responsible. You have a sense of humor. And you can dance. All these things made me like you.

Since the teasing began, it seemed like you were avoiding me if there were a lot of people around. But if we met along the corridor alone, you would smile or, if I’m lucky, would say hi. And that’s enough for me. I know that it’s impossible for you to read this post. I just wanted to let it all out. So this is my confession.

I like you, Blue.

 

PS. I am surprised that as I am writing this I seem to have kept tabs on you. I promise I did that unknowingly.

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