Sudden

I dreamt about you last night. I woke up dazed and confused. The dream was so random. I wasn’t expecting it because I wasn’t thinking of you at all.

Back in high school, I was super socially awkward, I don’t even know how to act properly around boys. I don’t know why but I would feel really uneasy mingling with them.

But you were one of the boys that broke through my awkwardness and uneasiness. I never really thought that I’d be really close to some guys. Close enough that you’d treat my house as yours. You were and are always welcome here. And my mother really likes you.

In college, we went our separate ways but we kept in touch. You text or message me in Facebook every now and then. Asking if you guys could come over. My mother wasn’t that strict when it comes to boys. She never had a problem with you guys taking over our fridge.

Sometimes, you’d ask me about school. You’d tell me how much you wanted our culture, our freedom. And about feeling like you were constricted intellectually in yours.

Sometimes, you’d randomly talk about things both funny and interesting. And you also like to debate about relevant and irrelevant topics.

And sometimes, you’d tell me you miss me. Even though I know that you meant it jokingly, it would still make me feel special. Once, I think I even felt butterflies fluttering in my tummy. I’d jokingly tell it back, but I know deep inside that I really meant it.

I like how you’d easily make conversation without holding back anything.

I like your enthusiasm when you talk about things.

I like how honest you are with me.

I like how you easily tell me that you miss me.

I had a sudden realization that all my crushes in college were patterned after you. Tall and lanky.

I don’t know how this happened but I think I’m starting to like you.

But, I know that this can never happen. There will never be an us. You are off-limits for you are my friend. And I think that’s all I’ll ever be for you. A friend.

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